I found out yesterday that my best friend, my brother whom I have known for 30 years, has gone home to the embrace of the Lord.  He had been fighting cancer, and had recently lost a lung.  The last time I had talked to him he sounded horrible, but I didn’t expect his battle was nearly spent.  He was heavily medicated, and exhausted, but nothing unusual coming out of a major surgery like that.  He seemed to be recovering, and all indications were that he would be ok.

Although I wish I had known so that I could prepare on some small level to say goodbye, I know that he knew how much I loved him, and how much his friendship ment to me.  In younger days, we were constant companions, and while life leads to other obligations, he was always there.  No matter how crazy things got in either of our lives, we always had each other’s back.  Maybe because of where we were at when we met, or because of a recognition of a kindred spirit, the twists and turns in life never changed that.  We weren’t afraid to disagree, or even fight sometimes, but I’d walk through hell for my brother.

I could easily write a book on our experiences.  They all flood back as I reflect on our friendship, and the loss I feel.  It’s all very raw right now.  Funny how even out here on the road, pressed for money and under loads, everything fell into place to allow me time to stop and grieve.  I’m reminded that God didn’t create us to die, and that His comfort will carry me as I again say goodbye to another part of my life.  Rascal Flatts, in the video “Here Comes Goodbye”, have a scene where the man turns to his son and asks, “What’s it like?”, and the son says, “There’s no more goodbyes.”

Until that happens, life is filled with goodbyes, and they never get easy.

Goodbye brother!  I miss you so much!

27 thoughts on “Goodbye

  1. you made a loved and had faith instead of worrying about something you couldn’t do anything about
    each song you mentioned made an impact on me the first time I heard them….
    and as I wander into today more…they fill me up with wonder again….
    I am sorry for your lose….but thank you for sharing your thoughts…your heart…

    Take Care…

  2. I am so sorry to hear this. I as well have someone in my life I am close to as you are your brother, dealing with cancer. I know how it hurts. My prayers and I will offer Mass prayers for you and your family, and of course your brother. The wonderful thing is now though, He is closer to God than we are, and is praying for all of us. Especially you! Love to you all and God Bless, SR

  3. I wanted to come back and tell you something. I just did post on it, but to keep you from having to go there. About 20 years ago I had a little cousin who died of hepatitis. She was ten. My aunt her grandmother was with her when she died. Before she passed away she looked at my aunt and said, “Oh Grandma it is so beautiful I wish you could go with me.” Those were her last words and last breath. Hoping you find comfort in her words. God Bless, SR

    • What she said is so…she saw what we can’t …only through faith we can imagine. Same thing happened to my mom on the passing of her brother, about 1958. I’d driven her up to Jackson, MS a few times for his cancer treatment, then finally up to his home in West Point for the end time. There were some wonderful ole time negro women who helped care for my uncle . He owned and ran City Market back then and treated all fairly, and so did they. One old negro lady was there with my mom late one night when uncle passed…for the first time in couple of years he smiled…mom said “he’s smiling”…old negro woman said…”Honey, he
      sees Jesus.” Remembering that for a long long time………….

      • My Mom went slow, over three days. I’ll never forget that rattle as I sat with her holding her hand. In the morning, right before she passed, she opened her eyes, and looking up, held out her hand. I know the Lord was there, and as she took His hand, she stepped out of her pain and into a place we can’t even begin to imagine.

      • There you were doing what you did to listen and be ready…you are so correct you handed her hand to the Lord. There was no reply click after your comment below yours… so this may be up before your comment perhaps… below. Anyway God bless which He will for one of your faith.

  4. Sending my condolences. Been reading you a while. You have faith that will carry you through. A bit older than you…have experienced loss of parents, brother, and son. We know not the day or the hour, not even the second. Don’t we wish we could be prepared…I think you are…which is we keep our faith throughout and after. Take care.

  5. Well, I guess one comfort is explained in the song about sayin’ goodbye. He sure will never have to say goodbye, ever again. In fact, “Hello again!” is gonna’ be your brothers new choice of words. We who’s left here will continue to say goodbye until like your brother we’ll be able to say, “Hello again!”
    I think ‘Ol Roy Rogers and Dale Evens said it pretty well too. “Happy trails to you, until we meet again.” A tip of the hat to you an’ your brothers friendship.

  6. Pingback: Goodbye « My Pathetic Attempts At Love

  7. Parder, I am very sorry for your loss.

    I never knew my brother, he died before he was one.
    And like his uncle before him, I never knew my son.

    He passed within a few short weeks, and yes I was so proud
    To think of what his life would be, but then without a sound

    He left us here to mourn for him, a bud that never bloomed
    I guess that’s what hurt the most, the silence of his room

    And never knowing what he’d be, or who he may become
    But that was all just thinkin’ of me, and not my little son.

    I didn’t know the things he knew and the things that he had done
    Because until I lost my boy, I never knew the Son.

    I didn’t intend to write this. I was just going to offer my condolences. This came through my fingertips in about 5 minutes. I believe that God meant it just for you. It is not the loss that makes us better men; It is what we allow God to do with it.
    Vaya Con Dios, Pard

    • Ingrafted, point is we all share the pain. I feel your heartache, as many here. If you read above you know I lost son as well. But for some reason I’m still here, watching and complaining, voting every chance I get.
      I know you didn’t mean “It is what we allow God to do with it.” But what God allows us and what we will do with that free will…short of suicide vests!!! What perverts in the MidEast !!!
      You are still pine-ing and me too . I know what you mean, God bless, and take care. And I’m at the 20 year mark…but still …watching…complaining…and voting.

      • Bye the way…is your gravatar, or what ever that pic thing is called…Walter Brennen? If so…you picked a good’en!

  8. Just one last entry from me for “Goodbye.” You’ve moved on and that’s good. Tomorrow is tomorrow is tomorrow. What’s promised is what awaits us.

  9. I just stopped by to thank you for visiting Cry and Howl and then noticed this. First, jeez I’m very sorry to read this even though we don’t know each other.
    I have a brother that’s 4 1/2 years older than I am. (I’m 62) We had lost contact with each other since 1968 except for seeing each other for just a few hours around 1980. Our parents are dead and we are the only two left of the immediate family. Anyway about 5 years ago I guess you could say a “fluke” got us back in contact with each other as we didn’t know if either of us were dead or alive. I live in Texas and he in California. I decided right then to visit him and his wonderful family. That was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. One weird thing when first talking with him, of course you ask what the other does for a living; he is/was a concrete finisher (tilt-up walls for commercial buildings) and I’m a concrete plant manager here in Texas. Kind of strange winding up in the same line of work and never even talking with each other for 30+ years. Anyway, I think we both realize that our time on earth is very short and that we spent nearly our entire lives separated from those we’re supposed to be close to. We vowed to not continue as such, and we stay in fairly close contact. I would be devatsted to lose him as I’m sure the opposite is true as well.
    I apologize for rambling on. I surely hope you are comforted through your loss. Just know it is only a temporary thing.

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